The Intimacy of Ruthless Honesty

Intimacy means being real, but not always being nice. We live in a world of appropriateness and politeness where we have all culturally agreed not to make each other uncomfortable or press each other’s buttons. This habit of holding-back creates insipid and stagnant relationships. I don't want you to hide the truth from me when you see me behaving smaller than I really am.. I want your challenge, your insights and above all your ruthless honesty.

However, beware: if you don't express your challenge constructively with sincere love and with the other’s interest at heart, then instead of supporting your partner in their higher truth, you are likely to send them deeper into the resistance and probably start a fight.

Who want their truth varnished? Not me.

In order to live this truth fully and richly you have to be ok with other people sometimes going into dramatic reactions around you. It’s important to know not to take their reactions personally. If you are terrified of people’s anger or even their tears then you might limit your honesty with them and therefore limit your Intimacy with them. One doesn’t have to be bluntly hurtful to be clear and ruthlessly honest.

Can you trigger someone’s resistance and know it’s not ‘your fault’?

(i) What is one specific truth you’d have liked to tell your former partner or you’d like to tell your current partner, or anyone in your life - and yet you didn’t or don’t for fear of not being ‘nice’? Please write it in the lines laid out below.

(ii) When you look at what you’ve written, are you sure it’s expressed in a manner that is constructive, full of love, supportive, and with that partner’s interest and well being at heart?

(iii) Go through it to make sure you’re clear about how much this is ‘for them’ and how much is ‘for you’, and then express your truth or challenge to that person from a loving place.

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