Intimacy is Visibility

We are all so used to only showing each other a fraction of who we truly are. We've been trained to hide the parts of ourselves that might be perceived as weak or needy or angry or unattractive. These qualities have in the past brought us experiences of rejection and loneliness. So to avoid this risk of rejection, we edit ourselves little by little, hiding anything unattractive in us that looks like it might sabotage love and acceptance from others, until we become these crippled 30% 'brochures' of ourselves. We become a smaller, less authentic and a less-than-whole version of who we truly are.

Our greatest excitement is to take the journey together back towards 100%. As I risk showing you more and more of me, vulnerably and bravely letting you see parts of myself that I feel unsure about or ashamed of, I give you an invisible permission-slip to do the same. And every time we reveal another layer, we appreciate and celebrate each other’s vulnerability and beauty. Us being more and more comfortable with who we really are is the Path of Intimacy.

I want you to show me more and more of yourself and for me to feel free to show you more of myself. The journey from that 30% back towards 100% is, to me, the beauty of relationships. It’s where unity lies and it’s where the fun and freedom are to be discovered.

Tell me, what is the one thing of yourself you routinely edit out to preserve a good first impression? Please share the answer with us below, as a first step in our joint work towards reclaiming our wholeness and deeper connection with each other.

What About Intimacy weekends at

Feelings Fully Felt = FREEDOM

When a challenging feeling arises in me, when I get triggered by an infuriating person or situation, the powerful explosion of feelings is an opportunity to discharge some pain I've been carrying around, probably for years, but only if I can resist taking the escape route of blaming the person or thing that triggered me. Each of our body/mind/emotion systems is genius. It somehow finds a way to set up the perfect stimuli to trigger the volcanic discharge of whatever pain or old wound that it needs to vent that day. I believe all these challenging instances are set up to give us opportunities to wake up and feel more of ourselves, often raw and sensitive like blood returning to a sleeping limb. These endless challenges are not to 'get in our way' but to speed us along by efficiently triggering and discharging old pain that's been dragging us back, and thereby reclaiming as much space and aliveness as can be accessed in this human life.

We are in a constant state of efficient healing. The body is designed that way. It doesn't know what else to do.

But in order for my system to carry out its innately genius catharsis, I need to participate by choosing to fully feel the feelings that arise rather than run away from the often uncomfortable surging sensations. Only if I can keep my attention on these feelings as they are fully felt, every nuance and shade and wave of them, become a connoisseur of that whole realm of sensations without moving to hide them or skip them or resist them, then the body can release a chunk of old pain and leave space for creativity and life to rush in.

It's far easier to blame and complain at these times and frame the whole episode as 'unjust'. It takes courage and repeated leaps of faith to dare to let the tough sensations do their liberating work without escape strategies.

If we made it common practice to fully feel our feelings in the moment that they arose, then there would be little or no need for physical disease on this planet.

'I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals, or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of future pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.'

Oriah Mountain Dreamer!/JamieCatto

Heartbreak, Warrior Style

Waking up on this gloomy Sunday morning in London I feel back to when I was so heartbroken last year, how brutal Sundays could be. If you're going through a tough separation, I want to share with you a couple of things you already know such as: don't forget that this is but a painful TRANSITION, not a painful entry into a painful new life. Last year I was having an agonising time 'being left' by my ex-wife and battling with abandonment, jealousy, lostness, loneliness. While I was still trying to keep my old reality intact and not surrendering to what was really unfolding, I did a lot of emotional violence to myself in resisting and not trusting. What I didn't know then was how brilliantly abundantly treated I was soon going to be, and how as soon as I placed my focus on the next chapter, not the last one with all its alluring hooks and safe, known comforts, I would be met with limitless support and exciting, nourishing new gifts. I'm not suggesting that you deny or suppress your pain or force yourself to 'move on' too quickly, but I do want to remind us both that once your deeper focus and vision is directed to the next chapter, your innate genius adapts and creates and attracts wonderful new circumstances, people and surprises which reflect a higher vision of You - and that that creative genius takes it's lead from where you direct your attention. This is where you can be powerful. A therapist once reminded me to edit the negative tape I was playing back in my head. Relationships ending provide a great opportunity to raise our awareness on the 'version of events' we are playing back in our heads. I don't know in how much resistance you are right now, or how you are faring as regards clinging, turning scenarios over and over in your mind, looking back not forward, injustice and loneliness - but I want to remind you, just in case, that there is a slither of choice here to look through a more optimistic lens, a lens which trusts that 'even though I have very limited vision here and it looks dark, perhaps the 'All That Is' has a wonderful array of scenery and characters and positive unfoldings, uplifting and healing revelations in store for me. After all, I've been well supported in my life so far, the evidence and past experience suggests that a positive outcome is more likely than ruin.'

When I was at my most disempowered and terrified state during my divorce I had a formative experience on a London Underground train. I was sitting there listening to music on my headphones and my iPod was on 'shuffle'. A piece of really sad film music was playing, and as I sat there listening, my own apparently despondent predicament engulfed me. I looked around the carriage and everyone seemed so isolated and lonely. I sank even deeper, feeling all the tragedy of my situation, how much of a victim I felt in it and as I allowed that perspective free reign in my mind, that convincing, depressing reality became more and more 'true' for me. It was painful. Then the next track came on and it was something really triumphant and rocking by The Clash. Immediately my chest swelled a little and my posture became fractionally more erect. The tube doors opened and I strode down the platform, strong and upright. The music pumped along jubilantly in my ears and I walked all the taller. 'Look at this hero' I thought as I strode down the train platform, 'surviving and thriving amidst all these challenges, I'm unstoppable! Come on then!' I felt, 'Gimme what you got! I'll take you all on!' It was only the soundtrack in my ears that had changed but it really showed me how malleable 'the truth of what's gong on' can be. It dawned on me that there's a degree of choice here.

The tape in our head is the soundtrack. Our beliefs and attitudes to what's gong on. The 'version' of events on which we choose to place our attention is the 'truth' we energise. We will empower what we focus on, positive or negative. So, as Gabrielle Roth says, it takes immense discipline to be a free spirit. To choose the positive 'open to miracles and trust' lens over the usual attractive 'doom and gloom' one. It takes discipline. But there is a slither of choice, much aided by kicking music.

And the reward and even the proof of the pudding is, a year or two down the line, I now know that what happened when my wife and I split up was a wonderful, much needed life-change for me. I resisted it with all my might when I couldn't see the future, but I am now with a heavenly, intelligent, funny, soulful girlfriend who really gets the Me 'now'. Our sex life is glorious and fresh and deeply intimate. Our soul life is so much more 'equal' and mutually supportive than any relationship I've had before. In numerous other ways I am growing into my real wholeness, my less limited shapes, my fullest potential. I have experienced my courage, endurance and self-compassion and awakened a deeper sense of personal responsibility and self-parenting. The list of gifts is long.

I don't want to in any way suggest you rush the grieving, but whenever you have a fraction more energy, allow the next ideal chapter vision to creep in. Allowing some gentle movement in this let's your innate genius begin to lay the foundations for your next incredibly fulfilling chapter. I believe your higher mind and even the Universe itself is conspiring to set up the perfect, abundant circumstances for your pleasure and growth. When we cling to the out-of-control past we drag that process back. When we surrender and bravely trust the big picture, we free up all the forces of bountiful and progressive architecture to manifest themselves.

Beyond all that, I am sending love and trust and an extra bank of pumping electric guitars to spur you onward.

You are a Warrior. Allow your posture to reflect this and the mind will follow.!/JamieCatto

'Redefining 'Roadblock' - an arrow pointing in an unexpected direction I didn't realise I needed to go in.' Bashar


We fall in love because the aloneness is an illusion , an agonizing one we live with every day due to our brave incarnation in separate vessels of flesh, and the Togetherness of all of us is the Truth. The relief of residing in that Truth feels so good, so right, it is Love. When we enjoy a concert as a group, the aloneness evaporates, and it is Love. When we dance together in a group or in twos and threes, the illusion of separation evaporates and there is Love, the Truth, the Naturalness. When our eyes meet and connect with the Beloved, and Kiss and Touch and meet Minds and Hearts and Souls, the painful lie of separation disappears and there is Love. It is not avoiding the Self but experiencing the True nature of Self which is not just my separated ego but my joined Oneness with You and You and You and all of Humankind and Mother Nature. One is not afraid of Aloneness, one is afraid of the Lie of separation from the One that is all of us, yet the incarnation in flesh tricks us into thinking we are Alone. We are right to reject this falsehood, not brave to endure it. Soulmates are like the cycles of Nature. The Man or Woman who will switch you on today, at this stage may be a memory tomorrow and another may come along to light you up. It's also possible that you may choose just one, or two such souls and wander for years together, learning, loving, dancing in the Pleasure and the Wisdom of Surrender together for as long as it feels wonderful and Nourishing. Remember though, to overly attach to this person and use them as the Source of Safeness instead of the 'all that is', The Source, is perilous. No one can do that for another. We can only receive constant Light and Love from The One. It is a mistake to burden another Human with the responsibility of providing that feeling of Security and Constant attention. Yet, the Love which can be shared with another human, a Lover, a Family member, in Community, on the Dance floor, Making Love, playing Music, sharing Stories, is REAL and to be cherished. It is the experience of the Lie of separation dissolving. It is the Wonder, the relief that all the falseness of Isolation and it's Lonely fears and demons is just our limited human perception as we walk the human path alone, finding our way back to God. We are born alone just so we can remember that it's a Lie and find our way back to Wholeness, to each other to our Community, true Family.

We are One, suffering the Illusion of separation on Planet Earth. When we experience connection we are closest to Truth - and that feels good. It is Love.

Please let me know how you're loving.



In France they call an orgasm a 'petit mort' - little death - I love this because yes, an Orgasm is the moment when Heaven and Earth touch for an instant, when we become at once no one and everyone. When I am with my Lover and she falls off that edge into those ecstatic waves, my focus and attention in those next moments is as fully attentive and present as in the journey we've both just taken to reach that peak together, perhaps even more so. At the moment when my lover comes I feel her at the doorway to all her highest and most magical possibilities, I see light streaming in and all the limitations of her purely earthly life melt away. Her whole being floats in those instants in the ocean of 'All That Is' unbound by any beliefs or limits of the everyday. My great honour is to hold that space for her, to surround her with all the peace and magic I can invisibly bring, like a protective cocoon, empowering and guarding that perfect, fragile space as she gently re-inhabits her earthly body again, renewed and elevated to her next fully realised incarnation.

This energy is reciprocal. I am also transported into my own limitless possibilities when I come and my Lover holds me in that space. She becomes the whole of the nurturing Earth, her arms encircling me hold me in all my vulnerable, naked, unguarded rawness. At that moment I have the possibility to reawaken from the raw elemental ocean as my own highest idea of myself too.

I haven't always felt ready to allow in that safety. For one thing, when I've felt my own orgasm approaching I've often moved my rhythm or sexual energy to prolong the love-making, delay coming. My first question which has unconsciously arisen, still resonating with an outdated yet primal paradigm, has been 'Has it been long enough yet? Is she satisfied?' Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the Taoist controls and disciplines to give and receive everlasting pleasure, but so many times, when I've come earlier than I wanted to, it has been accompanied by a feeling of failure or shame, wondering if I didn't do it well enough, so now, when I come, the shift is palpable. It has been a journey to really fully allow myself to be held in that sacred space, so open and unguarded. To both be a strong man and also melt into my tenderness, control-free, totally vulnerable.

This surrender has only recently arrived in my life. My Lover offers me total love and acceptance. She holds me in my wholeness, without any head-trips, loving me beyond any of my old ideas about myself, fully sharing the limitless abundance with me.

Every moment offers us the possibility to step into a more realised version of ourselves. An Orgasm magnifies this opening like a portal and there we can be with each other in the doorways and on the bridges, letting old things fall away, allowing new energy in.

This is what I feel we can be for each other in those moments. This is our gift to each other as Lovers, as Kings and Queens of the infinite.

Wishing you all a sexy, intimate week. Please write to me and share your experiences.Please join the facebook group Woodsmen For Women and share more about this and all subjects of intimacy and connection...!/jamiecatto

Painting of the Entrance To Heaven by Hieronymus Bosch

Loving Me

I'm learning that loving myself means not doing anything to evolve, but just doing things because they look like fun - and there may be evolution involved along the way, yes! But choosing to take actions (or workshops) or 'work' on a certain personal issue feels unloving to myself where I am right NOW. As if doing so is making a statement that 'Jamie is not OK like this, we need to make changes'. How violent that feels to me now. There are certain qualities or characteristics I have that I might have in the past said - "oh, I wish I was less like this" or "I wish I was more like that", and I would even imagine ways that I was going to be rejected or abandoned if I didn't get closer to perfection and improve those limiting aspects of myself. Now I realise that Perfection is observing my own unique characteristics, weaknesses and strengths, attractions and repulsions, and allowing myself to be just like this, with no agenda for any of it to change, but just to choose the most inspiring and non violent paths open to me to experience this unique collection of my 'ways', easy and challenging, in a creative, fun and loving life. The whole notion of 'working on myself' suddenly feels unloving to Me right now. Curious. It feels like a statement of lack, of judgement that something about me should be other than it is. So, yes, I could go to a workshop or a therapist and get better at 'dealing with my issues', learn the triggers, analyse where they were born and how they took root. I could see the negative beliefs that got stuck there and devise techniques to get better at catching myself, saving myself from falling into those traps again


I could gently observe myself playing out all those issues and accept that I am a unique, freaky, sensitive, being - someone who finds certain scenarios stressful or even unbearable, and take responsibility for protecting myself, giving myself what I need when triggered, and not making myself wrong, or un-evolved for being this crazy or for avoiding certain things.

Ironically, I have a hunch that the second option will allow those blocks enough space to morph, even dissolve, quicker than the first option, that may be a by-product - but not the aim. It feels exciting now to really let myself be possessive or materialistic, or angry or totally selfish, with full awareness and love, and not get caught in the trap of working to change or protect those around me from their judgements and reactions.

Can I love myself even if I never evolve another inch?

Paradoxically, this 'not doing anything to evolve', but only observing and accepting what's there, feels like it has the potential to allow deeper invisible yet powerful energies in me to shift - more potential for liberation than all the self help books and self-awareness workshops rolled into one.