I've been noticing more than usual, in the recent days, how much I unconsciously make up stories and 'what if's', invent worrying possibilities in my mind that really make me anxious and are clearly not actually happening in my 'real' world. Even when I'm given all kinds of signals and evidence that these mental fictions are certainly not happening my mind still gravitates towards compelling, unwanted, stressful scenarios, visions of exactly what I dread. I can spend huge chunks of my day doing this. Does my mind think it's preparing me for danger? Protecting me in some way? All this imagining really does is hurt me and distract me from the gifts that are all around me in those moments, making me physically uncomfortable, missing the precious ‘Now’, and re-living what it must have felt like as a child when I was so confused and powerless (which I'm not any more).
If I can notice myself, slow my breathing, become affectionately curious with what my unruly mind is doing (again and again) then there’s a chance to free myself.
Pema Chodron has suggested today "For one day, refrain from something you habitually do to escape. Pick something concrete...make a commitment to yourself to gently work with refraining from this habit. Do this with the intention that it will put you in touch with the underlying anxiety or uncertainty that you've been avoiding." So today I'm going to amp up my loving awareness on this habit. I'm going to observe, without drama or self-judgement, myself create these self-harming thoughts and hunt them all gently like a loving but vigilant Lion.
Join me online tomorrow evening, Monday 12th Oct to explore this deeper ONLINE from anywhere in the World - http://jamiecatto.com/workshops/events/jamie-catto-online-evenings-bulletproof-12-october-2015/